His Needs Her Needs is an unusual read for me because it’s a book about marriage, and I’m not married! The book was introduced to me by a very good friend who was nice enough to provide me with a copy of it. It took me a while to work through the book because of my busy schedule. But, when I finally sat down to read it, I flew right through the book.
The book is about how to make your marriage “affair-proof” as well as how to save a marriage that’s already suffered from an affair. Even though this is a marriage book, it’s also a good book for those who have been in a long-term relationship that may be lagging. The basic premise is that you have to meet your spouse’s needs, and he or she has to meet yours in order to keep your relationship affair-proof. The scary thing about this book is that it makes you realize how easy it is for one mate to kind of “fall into” an affair, as well as how difficult it is to let a lover go. Although that’s not the focus of the book, it’s something for couples to take seriously. The scenarios that are given thoughout the book are really helpful in visualizing the concepts that the author describes.
The hopeful part is that, with hard work and the dedication of both parties, each can meet the other’s needs and stay together. The author says that in a real relationship, each partner’s needs might be different, but he does generalize the 5 basic needs of each partner. For women, he lists the needs as affection, conversation, honesty, financial support, and family commitment. For men, he lists the needs at sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, an attractive spouse, domestic support, and admiration. Clearly, we can think of examples when the other partner of the opposite sex needs the same thing as the other partner. But, the author bases his lists of needs on his work with couples over many years.
One of the most surprising sections of the book was the “attractive spouse” section. Many partners may not want to believe that “attractiveness” is a need that their mate has, but the author is truthful, basically telling you to stay in shape, or at least try to stay as attractive as you were when your mate met you. This is especially true for women, who often times let themselves go. He says that attractiveness is not as important to women, but you must, again, assess the needs of your mate.
One important note that I’d like to make is that you should try to read this book with your mate BEFORE an affair to try to avoid one. If you learn about how to keep each other’s “love bank” (read the book for more info on that) full, then you won’t have to worry about trying to overcome an affair!
This was a good read, and I hope to put this author’s suggestions into practice in my relationships in the future.